A curious feeling

You were baby-sat for the second time tonight -if you don't count when you were with your dad alone when I went to a doctor's appointment -which I don't. With three sets of grandparents eager to be with you, I don't think we'll run short of baby-sitters anytime soon.


We went to see The Curious Case of Benjamin Button. The movie itself was unimportant, but we were gone almost 6 hours, and there were two scenes near the end that both your dad I were reminded of you (as I'm sure all parents in the theatre were). I'm not sure if it was hormones, or the constant lack of sleep, or something a bit deeper, but it brought tears to my eyes and I suddenly needed to be with you.


It's a curious thing... being a mother. I think everyone feels differently about it at different times. When I had a miscarriage, a few months before we became pregnant with you, I felt a profound feeling of loss and grieved for some time, even though I had only known I was pregnant a few short days.


When I was pregnant with you there was never a moment where I wasn't aware you were with me and when I wasn't concerned and curious about your well-being and what your future life would hold in store. I wasn't overly emotional at your birth, probably just more relieved you were finally here, for more than one reason. I do remember the feeling when we were first together alone for a brief few minutes, along with a sense that you looked familiar to me from the beginning. I knew that feeling didn't come because you have my nose or because the rest of you looks like your dad, but that we actually knew each other, even though neither one of us can remember.


I remember thinking it was funny, or even odd, the first few times I was able to comfort you -if only for a few moments- when no one else seemed able. I think that's when I first felt like your mother. And tonight (or, last night, rather) while watching a newborn next to his mothers side and again when a baby was being rocked to sleep, I felt like someones mother, and found it very hard to be away from you.


I am so blessed. We, your dad and I, are so blessed, to have you in our lives. I am so grateful that our family is eternal and these bonds we are creating between each other, and any siblings that will eventually come to our family, those bonds will last forever. There will be times, probably many times, while you are growing that those bonds will be tried and strained. If you're anything like your mother, you will be very aware of when I make mistakes and don't live up to your expectations and desires. But, throughout your life please remember how much I love you and that I will ALWAYS be trying my best to be what and who I need to be. I will not be perfect, and others may be better at it at times, but I promise you I will always be the best that I can, and I just hope it's enough.

Merry First Christmas!

What a difference a month makes!

(Or 4 weeks, however you do the math)

What a difference a month makes, especially when we're actually feeding you for 2 of those weeks!

You still LOVE your baths...

Except for the getting out part.

We're still supplementing with formula, although I'm getting more when I pump, and there have been a few feedings where you hardly take any from the bottle. (There's far too many times that you'll take more than two and a half oz AFTER breastfeeding, so only time will tell on that one).

You (and your dad and I) survived being baby-sat for the first time. In fact, your grandma and grandpa Hardcastle paid US to go to a movie, just so they could watch you -and after all of that, you slept almost the whole time we were gone.

You're starting to sleep for longer stretches -some of the time, and be more awake and alert a lot of the time. We're much better friends when the sleeping happens at night and the awake-ness happens after I've had at least one nap.

You've been to a funeral -your great-grandpa Lafeen.

And, countless family Christmas parties.

You've attended church once (and we're going tomorrow), but just for one hour.

You haven't grown out of any of you clothes, but you're starting to actually fill out a few of the smaller onesies

You attended your own baby shower -and received entirely too much stuff.

And, you've gone through no less than a hundred diapers... in fact, I should probably change you right now.

Love you Hyrum, your dad and I are glad you're here.

PS... sorry about dressing you up in the Santa outfit!

Tipping the scales

Well, Hyrum, you've had a much better week than your previous two. You're pretty happy to be eating now. We're supplementing with formula and really hoping I start producing more milk soon. We both get pretty frustrated sometimes trying to get you to latch on to both me and the tubing attached to the bottle. At today's doctor appointment you were 8 lbs .5oz. We got the go ahead to NOT return until your two month check-up (sorry... you'll be getting stuck a few times at that one).

You made your debut to the Hardcastles at a Christmas party yesterday and you'll meet the few Petersen's that you haven't seen yet at tomorrow's party. We're also on our own for about 24 hours -dad flew down to Phoenix to work on Saturday. So far so good... but I hope you're planning on sleeping a bit tonight!

Here's a couple of photo's from the week...

Big Day

Sometimes when we're going somewhere or doing something I think about how it's your first time doing it. However, since that could describe just about every situation at this point, it hardly seems worth it to mention.
Today was a little different, if not for you, for me at least. We've done a few quick outings just the two of us... to the hospital, pharmacy, and out to your great-grandma Petersen's house to see Grandma Hardcastle. But today was a big day. We made our first trip shopping -with the stroller and everything. We went to the mall and one other clothing store. Then tonight we went with dad grocery shopping. You slept during most ofboth trips.

Which... is more than I can say for you right now. We're going on 11:30 and you've yet to sleep this evening.

2 weeks

Well, you could have done a bit better at your 2 week check-up. Not bad... but not great.

You've gained weight since last week (you got down to just over 6 lbs)- 7lbs 1 oz, which isn't quite what your doctor wanted to see. You've also gained almost an inch, 20 3/4, so you're a skinny long little thing at the moment. After a discussion about your feeding (or lack there of) habits, we decided to make another trip to see the lactation specialist and get you eating more.

You and I made our first trip alone to see the specialist (you did great, by the way -thanks for not crying) and she helped us a lot. Mom needs to pump more, we got our doctor to prescribe me some medication to help with milk production and I have a tubing device to help supplement with formula (or eventually breast milk, if I ever can pump enough). During our appointment you ate 50 cc's of milk... and at the same time only got 10 cc's from me, so it's no wonder it's taking 90 or more minutes to feed you, and often you're still not full.

So, sorry we've been (nearly) starving you, things should turn around this week.

You also went to your first funeral today. Dad's grandpa Lafeen (Lynn Kay Lafeen) passed away rather suddenly this last week. You were quite the hit, and I think it helped your grandma and grandpa Lafeen to have you around. Your aunt April was pretty happy to see you again too.

10 days

I meant to post about your first week... but I didn't get to computer much in the last couple of days. You're surviving, although there are some moments when I'm not sure you believe it. We've had your first bath,

Your first trip to Mimi's and Papa's (no pictures -we weren't very good guests and didn't stay long on Thanksgiving) and your first trip (and 2nd and 3rd) to Grandma and Grandpa Hardcastle's.

Your first photo shoot went pretty well and quick with Terra, and we should have those pictures pretty soon.

You've had a lot of visitors, including your great-great grandma 'purple'.

You're getting fed, this I know because of all of your diapers, but, there are some tough moments -especially at night.

Your dad and I are somehow surviving on very little sleep. Last night you actually scared us a bit, because you went 5 hours! I think it was a fluke (I'm not expecting it to become a habit this early) because you had a rough day and previous night.

We're happy you're here (and that's saying alot after Sunday night, kiddo). I hope we get the hang of each other soon!